Owen Wilson - Internet Stalker

So i logged on to my instant messenging application recently, and noticed that I had a new buddy available. The name of the buddy - AskDupree. With a picture of Owen Wilson as the buddy icon. What ensued was one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me. I was tech-raped by Owen Wilson. I should have never introduced myself.

The following is an actual transcript.

[21:58] Leadfoot7000: hi
[21:58] askdupree: :-)
[21:59] Leadfoot7000: already i can see this is going to be a cheery conversation.
[21:59] askdupree: So, like check out my web site.
[21:59] Leadfoot7000: You have a website?
[21:59] askdupree: If you're tense or wound up - try singing a little song before bedtime.
Or type games.
[21:59] Leadfoot7000: If by singing you mean smoking PCP, then yes, ill try.
[21:59] askdupree: Keep your eye on the prize.
[22:00] Leadfoot7000: The PCP?
[22:00] askdupree: Stay nimble. Type games.
[22:00] Leadfoot7000: Answer me dammit.
[22:00] askdupree: If there's one thing I know it's loving and losing. But, you never really lose until you stop fighting.
[22:00] Leadfoot7000: I'll fight you, you rat pricked bastard.
[22:00] askdupree: That's unnecessary. Your sick. Sick. >:o
[22:01] Leadfoot7000: Damn right.
[22:01] askdupree: So unnecessary.
[22:01] Leadfoot7000: You're unnecessary.
[22:01] askdupree: I'm just here to give you a few tips.
[22:01] Leadfoot7000: I'll give you a tip.
[22:01] askdupree: OK, if you, you know, "opt-in" I'll send you a couple of tips via AIM every day for a while in July. Do you want to opt-in? Y = Yes N = No
[22:01] Leadfoot7000: Of fucking course i dont.
[22:01] askdupree: Man, you need to select either Yes or No.
[22:01] Leadfoot7000: No. Happy?
[22:01] askdupree: OK, NP. You won't get any of my tips. You can come back any time and opt-in.
Why not play some games. It's OK.
[22:02] Leadfoot7000: I think I'm being offered virtual ass.
[22:02] askdupree: =-O
[22:03] Leadfoot7000: What are you wearing?
[22:03] askdupree: Look, if you're attacked, go limp and play dead. That's what I did and it probably saved my life.
[22:03] Leadfoot7000: I'm limp now. It's your job to fix the damn problem.
[22:03] askdupree: Yes.
[22:04] Leadfoot7000: Good. We agree. Get to it.
[22:04] askdupree: Catch and release...always honor the fish
[22:04] Leadfoot7000: Are you gonna cyber-rape me or not?
[22:04] askdupree: OK, OK. Use the buddy system. I'll be your buddy. Type tips.
[22:04] Leadfoot7000: Oh, sweet, a threesome.
[22:04] askdupree: Develop your -ness...it's a way of life, a philosophy, a verb. It's your name with -ness attached to it. Your leadfoot7000 -ness.
[22:05] Leadfoot7000: I hate you Dupree.

What a tease.

Thanks for using the Pay Toilet.
Like a true mathematician, you've worked it out with a pencil.

- Johnny Stee