I'm cancelling my DSL subscription as we speak.

Now, as a young, tech-oriented man, i've had the pleasure of roaming all over the internet, stumbling onto some horribly perverted things. I thought I had seen absolutely everything there is to see.

Until today.

I recieved an email from a friend which directed me to a site that sells colon cleansing products. Now, colon cleansing is a hot topic nowadays, so i thought nothing of it. There were even customer testimonials, leading me to believe that the product worked well. What i did not expect, however, were PICTURES OF THE CUSTOMERS' RIDICULOUS COLON DISCHARGE.

Seriously, half of these things look like the customers had pooped out their ACTUAL COLON.

Along with the pictures that have since made me go on a Kate Moss vomit spree, the testimonials are hilarious.

Paul from Australia writes:

"I tried the colon cleansing kit for 8 days ... End of day 2 was like large sausages being discharged and every day after that, gradually reducing in size by the eighth day."

Susan from Hawaii says:

"Aloha! First of all, I must say it feels a bit weird to be sending pics of my poo to complete strangers...but all in the name of good sportsmanship! It felt even stranger to TAKE pics of my poo..."

And finally, a woman known only as "Mary" lauds the products ultra-healing capabilities

"Your company is the only one that I know of that has such wonderful customer service and quality products. I've also suffered from adult acne for ten years and it has cleared up by 50% in three days. The knot in my forearm that was the size of a Garbanzo bean is now the size of a pea!"

The purveyors of this product also describe the discharge that will be suddenly released as "an accumulation that can have the consistency of TRUCK TIRE RUBBER. It's that hard and black."


Wish me luck, I'm on day 3 of the cleansing, and am currently in negotiations with Freightliner®.


Here's to driving down my street and up yours.

-Johnny Stee